you are not alone.

The problem started when perfection became an obsession and I couldn’t do anything because It just felt like everything should be perfect and then everything I normally do appeared to fall out of place with my new obsession what’s funny is it just limited me it stole my greatness and what happened is I started living in this fear that I am not perfect enough and I became less and less of me I lost my spark,  I became an empty shell  this is how it started and the more I was this new person  the harder it was for me to be me and I started feeling like I am not perfect and the further I drifted from me. The truth is perfect doesn’t exist what is prefect t is a person being who they are.

In my life I have never felt the need to be someone else I have never felt or saw it necessary to play perfect,  how this obsession came about is one of those not so bright ideas I never want to come up with again in my life  it ruined me but all is not lost I still have some of my brilliance intact, life is a lesson and what I am taking from this is a lesson that I will live to not forget another thing that I have learnt  is that mostly people who judge are afraid themselves or are trying to be what they are totally not .

People who bring others down are afraid themselves, they have people looking up to them and often this people who admire them are far greater than them( I am not saying we shouldn’t learn from others but we need to be alert too in the process) and all they can do is bring them down to their level because they fail to see their greatness .I  have been one of those who failed to see how great a person I am well I’m sure some of you are thinking there she goes again on that high horse but really people who have seen the weaker me would know I am not boastful I am a very sincere woman and yes I have my past, to those who know me from way back but really I am not in my teenage years I have grown and I have left my old ways  and really my old ways were not so dirty  I was pretty decent .

I am not perfect I have made stupid decisions which were really no decisions it’s one of those things which were  done in the heat of the moment,  I have acted like I have no principles or any respect for myself I have done many things which are against what I stand for,  what my parents told me never to do I have done  and I cant even give excuses for them but sometimes we get caught up in moments where we don’t stop to be our true self I don’t know but sometimes  whatever it is  that I cant explain  gets in the way of one on being who they are, I have no excuse I should be tough I should never compromise me for anything and well I can’t even defend myself  but also me beating myself up on my mistakes is also me on my perfection wagon again the truth everyone needs to know is that in life we are bound to make a few wrong turns but the important thing is to learn from it that’s how we grow in life  what is important is to rise from the fall take notes and be on our way with life, what we should never do is grow more afraid and resort to giving up.

 Sometimes I have felt like I am the only one who has it hard in life, I mean every time things seem to be falling apart and when I look at the next person everything seems to be excelling for them but what I have come to realize is that people are very good with appearances they can put up a front and who can blame them just because they have it hard it doesn’t mean they have to fall apart for the whole world to see. What has kept me going and holding on to life are the words my mother told me, she said to me “only cowards give up, tough times create tough people, God trusts me to make it.” Whenever I’m going through something I recall her words and I try harder, I have nothing to lose after all I can worry or I can do what I can at least,  It all starts from nothing to something.

What I have realized is that the more you want something the bigger the fear, and many times I have been distracted by thinking am I good enough but what I have learned is that it’s not about how good enough I am it’s about how badly I want something all I need do is try it seems my actions amount to nothing but well I have nothing else to give except what I have, the difference between try and triumph is a little umph what do I have to lose. The fear that exists that I might fail is only proof of how badly I want to succeed, it should serve as no reason for me to not act towards my goals because the more I sit and do nothing the more the fear and anxiety grows rather I act and be rid of it. The relief that comes from taking action towards my desires is great sure your actions might be subjected to disappointment but isn’t that the move in the right direction I will only start to see further ahead than wasting time on a worthless cause.

People often say it’s easy for one to speak sitting on a high chair but remember one step up the ladder is much, yet it doesn’t complete the journey the only thing one needs to do is keep moving no matter their place in the ladder it only seems to others that people who are a step ahead of them are arrogant but really they are not the sooner one accepts their current position and focus on where they want to be the better for them. Instead of hating we should be motivated to be too.

Well my real purpose with my writing is to express my thoughts I would like to have a topic but many times when I write I lose sight of the topic at hand, but  my point exactly was to assure others that everyone falls sometimes it’s not only you,  I’m saying this because I’m one person who also needs to hear that its normal and ok to fail/fall one just needs to work on the comeback the rise from the fall is what matters I still know some people I admire and its mostly because I just feel like they are perfect and even after experiencing their not so perfect moments the idea that has been implanted in my head of their perfection seems to rule out reality , I don’t know if it’s the potential I see in them to be great or my foolishness but whatever it is to me it is true , you can call me naive but it is what it is I will not be afraid to be me if it helps me be true to myself and motivates me to be great then so be it  I will be that idiot but really to myself I am awesome.

No one has it easy but people being afraid to be judged pretend to be good at everything I have done it too, but you know what is funny I try to be perfect but I love the imperfections in life at times  its ok to be not good at everything sometimes it makes one cute it’s like how I cant follow any beat when I dance you’d swear I am dancing to a song in my head but you know that  is what makes me unique I always say it’s easy to judge but really when judging you never get to experience something fully  and once we get on that judging character we only stop to see the wrongs and the rights go unnoticed  but we are only cheating ourselves by doing this, the  true loss is suffered by the judge .

Every time I write something’s I also come to see that I myself have judged  and  I correct where I can, I am not perfect that is why it’s great for everyone to write sometimes you learn something from yourself  anyways I can go all day and well others will judge let it be I am not the world’s best writer but what separates me from the rest is I’m doing what it is I love I am writing and I’m not a prisoner from fear,  some will see me as a lame writer but as I write I learn and one day I will be better I will  become confident and great in my craft .

We learn by trying, one day I will fly.

 Sometimes it takes more than talent it takes dedication.